Confessions of a Man

My life started when I was six years old, watching my older brother playing football in the city park. That summer’s night was when I knew I was going to have a different life ahead of me. For some reason in the back of my little mind, I knew that my life was different from the other kids. That night in the park watching the football players practice, my little friends ran up to see if I was able to play on the playground in the park. I replied in a blunt chatter '' yeah! Let me tell my father so I can go.'' I ran up to my father told him where I was going and when I was going to be back. The only thing he could tell me is '' be back before practice is over. I ran away with my friends into the park where I would find out who I am. The streetlights lit up the park but left enough to hide the nightlife I would come to find. We ran around tag and jumped from the swings, breathing hard until our legs got tired and we just plopped down beneath the slide in the woodchips. Catching our breath, the running around slowed down and our voices got lower into whispers. Out of nowhere, the games turned into things we only heard older kids or adults talk about behind closed doors. I do not even remember who brought it up first or how we got on that subject, but once the first whisper started, the questions that filled our minds started tumbling out one by one.

"How does it feel to be kissed?"

“What would it feel like to touch our little things?"

"What would it feel to have it someone’s mouth?"

The night pressed on, one by one we all tried for the first time in our lives some thing that would change in each of our lives forever. My questions that I had for my self would be answered with in that night. His dry, chapped lips pressed warm against mine under the shadow of the slide, the sudden static prickle of breath and the taste of dirt and sweet popsicle syrup on his skin hitting me all at once. I cannot say any thing on my friend’s behalf but when I was kissed for the first time from a male, feeling that heat rush through my whole chest, I knew that my path into the future would not be easy. That night I found out who I was. Even though I had no clue, what I was doing and that society saw it as the wrong way to live. I was only six years old I had no clue that this was right or wrong. I just knew that it felt right in my heart. Some thing inside me had changed and now I would never be the same. Since that encounter I changed drastically in my mentally most people would say that I am going through a phase and I will grow out of it. When your feelings are strong and pure in your heart you do not know if it is right or wrong. You only know the heat of another boy's hand tucked into yours, the steady quiet of being pulled against someone's chest when the streetlights flicker on, and having someone look right at you without turning away. At that age of purity and innocence, you know that you are not going to have a hard time growing up. You just know that this is how you feel. Trying to understand, why life chose you to live this kind of life and feel the feelings you do. Do not try to understand, you will never find an answer for that questions that you seek in life. I left my childhood to find a community where other people are like me. That meant I had to grow up and leave my childhood behind me. I never told my parents about that night and I will not, well until they read this. I took the hard road in life and I am proud of the out come in my life. That brings me to the beginning of the Confessions that you are about to read. So kick back, open up your mind, heart and try to understand life a bit more than what you already know.