Blessing in the Betrayal

As little girls, we dream of the fairytale wedding. The perfect marriage and raising our children. We day dream and fantasize about that beautiful wedding day full of glitter, glam, a big beautiful dress, walking down the aisle to that wedding march we all know and love. You come down the aisle, lock eyes with your knight in shining armor, who looks at you like his whole world lit up, and you feel like you are the chosen one. He chose YOU to spend the rest of your lives with. You dream of the house you will raise your children in, and settle in to start your family.

That sounds wonderful, but raise your hand if that is how it went for you in your reality. If it did, I am so truly happy for you. Congrats!!! That is a dream come true. That sure wasn’t the case for me. In fact, I did everything a little sideways. I was the fun party girl from high school and on into my early adulthood. I loved goofing around and doing karaoke at the local bar. I low-key wanted to be a singer/star if you will, and this was second best. This lifestyle did not land me on the cover of The Rich and Famous (Thank the Lord because that is not the life I would have loved) but it landed me into single motherhood at the age of 25 with zero career or life goals. No knight in shining armor, but lost hope in dreams and broken trust in men….

I had built a wall so thick that no man could knock it down. It was just me and my kiddo to raise. One thing my mom did do, through my childhood, was take my sister and I to church. I loved it. I loved God!!! Some of my favorite childhood memories were going to vacation Bible school and Bible camp. I got so excited to prep for that. We would go to Kmart (I am aging myself) and get the travel shampoo, toothpaste and deodorant for my trip. I felt so grown up!

 I loved going with my church friends, campfire worship, Bible studies, learning about Jesus, feeling independent without the parents. It was a blast. But as peaceful as church was, stepping back into our house was a whole different story because our home life did not match as it was more chaotic. My dad had PTSD from the Vietnam War, where he drank and did drugs to escape the war flashbacks. My mom tried to keep it away from us but it left a lot of confusion. I chose to go hang outside the house with friends to just be out of that, but that is how we all were so it seemed normal.

 My choice of friends were not the best influence, and as a people watcher and pleaser, I loved the ride. As I got older, God started slipping from my mind. My wild child ways landed me into single motherhood. The good thing was, this beautiful baby girl slowed me down. It was going to be baby, jail, or death. I am so glad it was baby. I had gotten pregnant at 18 years old, and I did have an abortion, which was horrible, so that was NOT an option and I am so happy I chose wisely this time around. I lived with my daughter in my parents' guest house. They were a great support for us and helped me a lot. After a year of not showing signs of wanting to date again, my mom asked me if I ever prayed to God for the right man to come along. We used to do these prayer journals back in the day together, so I thought why not start that again.

 I sat in my room with a journal and started a prayer. I asked God to send me a man who was caring, responsible and loving. I asked that he loved children, and would love mine like his own. I asked that he does not have any of his own (hey, I didn’t want baby mamma drama and it is my prayer to choose ha!) I asked that he love Hailey and I equally as a family. I asked that he have a sense of humor. I even said P.S. you can make him Italian! (What! I love Italians what can I say!)

Six months later, my best friend Tina and I went to our local Karaoke hangout and there were these guys sitting at the bar. Rather attractive, but cocky, the one kept saying things and I was like “eh Tina, they are jerks”. Well, a couple of weeks later, my BFF says the cocky one asked her out. Really? Whatever... So she went and I told her “Fine, but they won’t be able to sit at our table, just saying…” I get to the karaoke bar early, a couple of weeks later, and lo and behold, the "cocky" gang was sitting at the bar. I walk by and they all laugh and talk to each other as they are watching me walk by…..I go get our regular table and Tina comes and puppy dog eyed me to death so I said “Fine, they can come sit with us!!!” Tina’s guy Matt and I would banter back and forth and I just couldn’t see why she was liking him but, I started thinking he was funny and my guard did eventually come down and I love Matt…He is like a brother to me.

On that note, one of the guys, Gio as they called him, kept asking me to dance and after some time, I started liking him. He was funny, quirky and he had an accent I couldn’t place yet but he was growing on me. Remember, I had the wall up big time so I wasn’t easy to deal with. As we started hanging out, he began to tear my defenses down as fast as the fall of the wall of Jericho. His actual name is Giovanni Buccarelli, you can’t get any more Italian than that!! Born and raised! He was my prayer request to the point that Gio is not able to have kids and that was a struggle for us but that was God’s will and we have Hailey. God is so amazing! It was funny, Tina would go to their house (Matt and Gio were roommates) and she would say "Gio is asking a lot of questions about you and Hailey, and was curious about where her dad was and why wasn't he in the picture" etc. I was so stubborn and protective, I said "yeah he is probably a predator" Thank the Lord I didn't keep that attitude and he proved to be genuine. 

We were inseparable. I had such a struggle with going for the bad boys, I just knew this time around I had a genuine good guy who was responsible and treated me very well. We were definitely the opposites attract couple. I was spicy and carefree, he was responsible and not so carefree. It worked for us. I helped him loosen up and he tried to help me tighten up and not be so carefree which I am sure was like wrangling a wild horse at times. I really liked him, and that grew into a strong love we had. 

He instantly took to Hailey and his family took her in immediately as their own. We became an instant little family. They didn’t blink an eye. I love his family so much. It was definitely God sent that we came together this way. I waited for him to meet her though. I promised myself I wouldn't bring men in and out of her life. I really hadn't dated much in between the time I had Hailey and when I met Gio 18 months later. It was so cute. One of our first dates, we went to Six Flags Magic Mountain and he bought a cute little outfit for her at the gift shop. As we got more serious, I brought her to his house to meet him and he had bought a coloring book and crayons and laid on the floor and colored with her. It was definitely attractive seeing that. 

One time, Gio came to pick Hailey and I up from my parents' house and she had a dirty diaper. My mom grabbed her diaper bag to help take care of it and Gio said "It's ok, I got it". He placed her down and changed her poop diaper. My mom about fell over. She said "He's a keeper, your father didn't even do that with you guys". Secretly, I knew he was too. I remember this one time I pulled up in his driveway, music was blaring and I see him through the kitchen window as he was doing dishes and singing away. He just had a sparkle in him.

We decided to get an apartment together and I had been wanting to go to beauty school. He encouraged me to do so and helped support me while I did that. He just blew me away with all of this. I never had that before. I was not good at showing emotion, I always kept a tough stance, but I truly appreciated him and all he did for us. He wasn't good at emotional expression either, but he did show us through doing these things. 

Two years later we got married. We had a beautiful wedding, the glitter, the knight in shining armor and a cute little flower girl we called daughter to boot. The one thing that was missing was God. We kept religion out. Gio came from a Mormon household and I the in and out of church life so we were not on that path of righteousness. As long as we were good people, we didn’t need it. It wasn’t that either one of us didn’t believe in God or Jesus, just that we didn’t need religion. So we thought… We had a non-denominational wedding on a beautiful golf course, not a church because duh, we didn’t go to church. We were a family and it felt amazing. We were getting started on our lifelong journey, for better or for worse, til death do us part!