I don't play with other children

Zalia Animanshaun stood at the threshold of the Bright Beginnings classroom. She held her mother’s hand with a very tight grip. Inside the room, there was a great deal of movement. Twenty children were buzzing like bees around low wooden tables. Some of the children were wiggling in their chairs, and others were running in circles. Zalia looked at them with her big, dark eyes. Standing small in the doorway, she shrank from the flurry of wiggling bodies and the sharp clatter echoing across the bright room. It felt like a different planet. It was a very loud planet, and she was not sure she wanted to visit it today.

She reached down and felt her favorite lavender cardigan. Her grandmother had knitted it for her with oversized yellow buttons. The cardigan was thick and warm. It felt like a shield against the loud room. Zalia pulled the sides of the cardigan closer together. She touched the smooth river stone inside her deep pocket. The stone was cool and dry. She rubbed her thumb over the flat surface of the stone. This made her feel a little bit better. Her mother leaned down and kissed her cheek. Her mother whispered that she would be back after lunch. Zalia did not cry when her mother walked away down the long hallway. She did not scream or pull at her mother’s sleeve. She just stood very still and watched her mother go.

When her mother was gone, Zalia looked back at the classroom. She saw a tall woman with long, black braids walking toward her. The woman wore bright red sneakers and a yellow shirt. She had a very kind face. This was Ms. Simone, the teacher. Zalia took a deep breath. She walked straight toward Ms. Simone without glancing at the twenty noisy children, keeping her eyes fixed solely on the teacher. She wanted to make sure the rules were very clear before she stepped any further into the room.

Zalia stood tall and looked up. She spoke in her very best, most precise voice. It was the voice she used when she spoke to her parents or her older cousins at home. She did not whisper. She wanted to be sure she was heard over all the buzzing. She wanted to set her boundaries right away.

“Good morning, Ms. Simone,” Zalia said. “I would like to inform you that I do not play with other children. I am only friendly with my family. I am not accustomed to so much wiggling, and I do not wish to join in.”

Ms. Simone did not look surprised. She did not laugh at Zalia’s big words. Instead, she smiled very gently. She bent her knees and knelt down so she was at the same height as Zalia. Her bright red sneakers squeaked softly on the clean linoleum floor. She looked directly into Zalia’s eyes. When she spoke, her voice was big and raspy. It was a comfortable voice that made the busy room feel a little bit quieter.

“Good morning, Zalia,” Ms. Simone said. “Thank you for telling me what you need. That is very important. You do not have to play with anyone if you do not want to. You do not have to wiggle either. Your lavender cardigan is very beautiful, by the way.”

Zalia looked down at her cardigan and then back at Ms. Simone. She liked that the teacher had listened to her. She appreciated that Ms. Simone had not pushed her toward the noisy tables with the strangers. At home, everything was quiet and neat. Her brother and her cousins were much older, and they knew how to sit still. These twenty children did not seem to know how to sit still at all.

“I would prefer to sit by myself, please,” Zalia said. “I would like to watch from a safe distance.”

Ms. Simone nodded her head. Her long braids swayed. “I have just the place for you, Zalia. Let us walk over together.”

Ms. Simone stood up and led Zalia toward the back of the classroom. She did not try to hold Zalia’s hand, which Zalia appreciated. They walked past a table where two boys were building a very tall tower of plastic blocks. The tower fell down with a loud crash, and the boys laughed. Zalia stepped closer to Ms. Simone to avoid the flying blocks. She did not like how unpredictable the tumbling blocks—or the boys who built them—could be.

At the back of the room, there was a cozy corner near a large bookshelf. The bookshelf was filled with picture books of all colors. In the corner sat a small blue armchair. It was just the right size for one five-year-old girl. Next to the chair was a soft green rug. There were no other children in this corner. It was very quiet and peaceful.

“This is our library corner,” Ms. Simone said warmly. “You can sit in this blue chair and watch the room from here. Nobody will disturb you. You can stay here as long as you need to feel comfortable. Is that a good plan?”

“Yes, thank you,” Zalia said. “This is a very satisfactory arrangement.”

Zalia walked to the blue chair and sat down. She smoothed her lavender cardigan over her denim overalls. She adjusted her big yellow ribbon. She felt very safe in the small blue chair. Ms. Simone gave her a little nod and walked back to the front of the classroom to help a boy who was crying because he could not open his backpack.

Zalia reached into her pocket again. She pulled out the smooth river stone. She held it in her lap. The stone was gray and had tiny white spots on it. Her father had found it by the river and given it to her. She rubbed the stone with her index finger. It felt cold against her skin, but it made her feel warm inside.

From her observation post, Zalia watched the classroom. She saw a girl with short, choppy brown braids running near the block center. The girl was wearing mismatched socks. One sock had green dinosaurs on it, and the other sock had glittery silver stars. The girl was laughing very loudly. Zalia watched her carefully. She decided that the girl with the mismatched socks was much too loud.

The classroom was filled with so many different sights and sounds. A clock on the wall ticked quietly. A green wire hamster cage sat on a low table near the window, though Zalia could not see the hamster yet. The other children were still talking and sharing toys. They seemed to know each other, or at least they did not mind being close to one another. Zalia did mind. She liked her own space.

She looked down at her smooth stone. She decided that school was indeed a very loud planet. The children seemed like strange creatures who lived to wiggle and shout. But as she sat in her quiet corner, protected by her lavender cardigan, she realized she did not have to be like them. She could just watch. She was a visitor on this planet, and for now, watching from her blue chair was exactly what she wanted to do.